At home

I went four weeks in hospitals without seeing or speaking with my children. The worst weeks of my life when all I could think about was them.

The moment my cab pulled up to the house and I saw them smiling at me through the front window — I smiled and cried tears of joy.

Walking into the house into the arms of my children was the absolute best moment of my life.

The past 24 hours since have been amazing. Watching them play, reading to them, seeing them smile — I know my prayers have been answered.

At the same time, being back at the house and not being able to do everything (most things) I did before has been difficult. 

I  know I am on the road to a full recovery — but I have quite a bit of work ahead of me. My out-patient rehab begins this week and I can’t wait to get started and continue making great improvement.

I am sorry that I haven’t returned calls or emails — I treasure each one dearly — it is just that for now I need to put all my energy into my rehab and my family.

I will try to continue to update the blog to keep you informed of my progress. 

Please continue to send me emails of encouragement — knowing how many people are pulling for me keeps me inspired and reading all of your messages makes me smile.

My best to everyone!

Why me?

For the first four days after the surgery I was told by the doctors that the numbness in my arms and legs was because of a reaction to the anesthesia during the heart surgery.

I wasn’t that upset at that point because I thought it might take a little time for the anesthesia to wear off. In fact, Marc and I were so convinced it was a reaction to the anesthesia that he flew back to Chicago to take care of the kids.

It wasn’t until the doctors sent me for an MRI four days post-surgery that I began to become concerned.

It was 6am and I was alone in the hospital room when the doctors came in and told me I had suffered a stroke. Marc was back in Chicago and my parents were still sleeping at the hotel.

I sat alone in the room for the next two hours crying — it was then I realized I might never walk again. I cried and cried and asked  — “Why me?”

My parents arrived around 8 and I was the one who had to tell them I had a suffered a stroke. It was one of the worst moments of my life.

Fast-forward four weeks.

I am making unbelievable progress. I mean truly unbelievable. The doctors and nurses are amazed. One week ago I could barely sit upright and had no feeling in my left leg — in just one week I graduated from wheelchair to walker to cane.
 
I am going home this morning and I know how lucky I am. I look around at the other patients on the stroke floor of the rehabilitation hospital and I can’t help but ask again “Why me?”

But this time “Why me? How did I get so lucky?” I was supposed to be here at the rehab hospital for weeks, not days. Some of the doctors didn’t think I would ever walk again. I had complications following the surgery that at some points were life-threatening.

My recovery so far has been nothing short of miraculous.

Today I have tears again — but they are tears of joy. I get to go home and be with my children. I’ll get to watch them grow up. I’ll be able to bring them to the park and run around with them. We’ll be able to bike, hike, ski and rollerblade — together.

I hope they never know the nightmare their mom suffered over the past month — I only want them to know that at every moment I was thinking and fighting for them.

I’m done asking “Why me?” — on both sides. I plan to move forward and make the most of each day, to enjoy life, family, friends and to remember every single moment — how lucky I am.